The Greatest Story Never Told
by I'm Not Wearing Any Pants
Summary: Who doesn't think the Null Void is a great place for a picnic? A fool, that's who.


I claim no ownership of anything belonging to the Ben 10 franchise. This is still, honest to your choice of deity, my favorite insane Null Void related story found here. I laughed so hard. I mean the original version, of course, not my parody of. Nothing I do will ever be as funny, nor as completely ludicrous, as that.

D'Void awoke to the sound of utter tormented hell. He blinked and focused blurry eyes, only to come quickly to the realization that it was merely his freakishly unavoidable Null Guardian baby-creature, now appropriately named, Screamy-Sobby Boo-Boo, which his ominous presence was never without, quite unfortunately, due to tragic circumstances.

"Uhhh, waaa?" he mumbled incoherently before Screamy-Sobby bit him in the face. "Ow, okay, I'm up, I'm up!" He sat up and rubbed his aching yet none the less handsome visage. "What do want from me now?"

SSBB vomited into his lap. Somehow, he had become able to read her puke language as a language. He interpreted her violent actions that morning as the intense desire to have a picnic.

"Honestly, not the most absurd thing I can have happen," D'Void muttered, as he got out of bed. He stepped on a Lego, and it only hurt a little, since he was within the confines of his citadel area, which hosted his large and equally ominous and evil dimensional-ripping drill-furnace combo. "How many times have I told you not to leave your toys around, SSBB?"

SSBB vomited angrily while scream-sobbing hysterically.

"No, more than that," D'Void responded before sighing. "Not that it matters, you never listen to me."

SSBB proceeded to bite the carpet and thrash it about in her mouth.

"Yes, let's go do what bizarre, illogical thing you want to do, instead of force the slaves to continue keeping my evil drill-furnace fueled, so I can rip through the dimensions, and the Plumbers Helpers don't find a way to overthrow my rule," D'Void groaned.

He was compelled to do so. As much as he desired it, he could not resist the overpowering will of his randomly spawned, unnecessary, highly illogical baby Null Guardian-daughter-thing. It was almost like...she was a reality-warping author's device created solely to bend him into a more palatable, more sympathetic, and less violently sociopathic, emotionally cold, completely self-absorbed character!

SSBB began to shriek violently at the narration for its insinuating she wasn't completely perfect and well designed and better than all those slutty little human girls out there. Animals cannot be Mary Sues, as everyone knows. Cue omniscient collective derisive snort.

SSBB began to jut out her lips, which she...didn't actually have...but we'll pretend she did to make the following scenes less confusing...and began to sob hysterically once again.

"Oh no," D'Void muttered in a dry monotone, "I, for whatever reason, cannot resist your disgusting, manipulative bawling. We shall go have a picnic, immediately. Logic be damned." He put his arms out in a zombie-like manner, and proceeded to the kitchen.

SSBB vomited happily in response, and skittered close behind her dear old Daddy.

"Why in the fuck do we have this kind of stuff in here?" D'Void muttered into his absurdly conveniently and very well stocked refrigerator. "It makes no sense!" He shrugged and began to pull out freshly made sandwiches. fruits, desserts, etcetera, and further etcetera. He turned around and saw SSBB had a stereotypical cartoon picnic basket clenched firmly in her jaws. "And that's even more absurdly convenient."

SSBB swallowed the basket before D'Void could pry it from her teeth.

"Well, it was, for as long as it lasted," he said to her. He grabbed a tote bag and threw the stuff inside of it. "This works about as well."

SSBB vomited onto his feet. She let out a shrieking sob and grasped D'Void's pants in her slimy jaws. She tore the seat of his pants wide open. This event added nothing else to the story, and existed for no real reason, other than...to expose his underwear. For...reasons.

"Oh my!" D'Void posed like the girl on the Coppertone lotion ads before hurrying to change his pants. "Bad baby! How many times have I told you not to do that! You still don't listen to me, and I doubt you ever will."

SSBB rushed over and grabbed a traditional looking chocolate cake under a stereotypical glass dome, which was sitting there on the counter, which also was there...because...uh...yeah. And knocked it down, then shoved it into the tote bag, where it squished nicely.

"This is so stupid and irrational," D'Void whined until Screamy bit him on the leg again. "Okay! It's not stupid and irrational! We're going! We're going!" He hurried from his fortress, out to the foyer, and past the lines of slaves toiling endlessly away at his drill-furnace to keep it fueled. He turned to them and gave them a harsh look. "I'm going out for an unspecified amount of time to do something completely ridiculous. You guys better not start revolting while I'm gone, okay?"

They all nodded and promised not to. Except one guy, who was crossing his fingers behind his back. Naughty.

D'Void didn't see it, however, and left his fortress. He traveled with his dear horrifyingly God-mode rotten little daughter-monster to a far away area, to engage in their wacky picnic hijinks.

"This looks like a spot to set things down at," D'Void said, before throwing down the tote bag. He dumped the foodstuffs from it, and they were quickly consumed by SSBB while she screamed and sobbed and vomited a little, but not as much.  
>"I almost wish Tennyson and his friends would show up to battle me and thwart my current plans for RULING THE WORLD!" D'Void spoke to himself while sighing heavily. He leaned his head in his hand. "What rotten luck, to be stuck in such absurdity for this ongoing amount of time!"<p>

SSBB screamed and shot a stream of hot vomit into his face.

"Okay, I'm sorry! Please, don't hurt me," D'Void sobbed while cowering. "You're a fantastic character, and I love you with every ounce of strength in my incredibly handsome body!"

Contented by the gushing praise, Screamy swallowed the remaining vomit and smiled widely at her helpless victim. Er, ah, I mean, father.

And then the rebels showed up to attack, which caused D'Void to become happy for one of those extremely rare moments of his otherwise miserable life.

"Holy shit, rebels! I'm saved! Maybe they'll kill me!" he yelled.

"We've come to arrest you and lock you up forever, D'Void!" said a Plumbers' Helper, whom he always just referred to as Porcupine Face, or Not Spyke.

"That works, too," D'Void said while still wearing a grin.

The Helpers and the other rebels piled on him, beating the shit of him. He happily submitted to the beating. Eventually he was in handcuffs.

"What about the Mary Sue?" asked one of the rebels.

"I don't know. We shouldn't mess around with those things, since they can kill us or fuck up the story even more than it already was," said Porcupine Face. I mean, Pierce.

Luckily, The Wrench came in, and produced a Mary Sue Containment Unit.

"I've got it under control," he said, covering the hysterically sobbing-laughing baby thing with the containment unit as it devoured what was left of the mushed up chocolate cake. "I'm just that awesome."

"Oh my lord, I can't believe it, yes, YES, THANK YOU!" D'Void sobbed happily, as he threw himself at Max, "I'm so grateful to you right now, Maxwell!" He hugged him tightly. "Ignore the massive boner I have. I swear, it means nothing."

Maxwell eyed D'Void with an air of suspicion, but allowed him to sob out his frustrations against his warm, big belly for longer than anyone in the surrounding area was comfortable with. Then D'Void was arrested, and his drill destroyed, the slaves all freed, and etcetera. Ben didn't even have to show up at all, and spent the entire time playing Sumo Slammers Revolution.

Maxwell took D'Void to his secret Wrench cave to lock him up, and instead tied him to a chair again, and tried to feed him Wigsilian Org Beast breasts over a light cream sauce of Cassiopeian Dream Eater tentacles.

And then they had old man sex**.**

(The End)


End file.
